it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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