We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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