Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
