Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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