yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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