Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
