I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
