If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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