Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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