Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
