Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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