i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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