In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
