My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there's paper in my vomit.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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