Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
