im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
