Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
