im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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