she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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