this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
