and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
