it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize