I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
