We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
