You're completely useless in the revolution.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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