the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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