but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
