I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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