I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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