i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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