I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Houston, we have a blender
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
