If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
