Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
