I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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