So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize