Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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