once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how does that bad decision feel?
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