Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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