Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You took a bar mat shot.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
