I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
