Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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