no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
