Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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