I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
