No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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