I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
