the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
