I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
