please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
