At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
