i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
