I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
