this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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