theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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