Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
