oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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