i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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