So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
