It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
