So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize