I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
