it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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