I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize