Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
