so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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