maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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