Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
