If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
