would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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