oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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