Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
