she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
